In the 1990s, I was tasked with pinpointing the elements of human connection that could be effectively integrated into an innovative online collaboration platform known as Lotus Notes, as well as identifying those that could not.

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I classified the forms of connection into two categories: measurable and immeasurable. The measurable connections are for aligning thoughts so that people connect by playing fixed parts in a fixed sum of the parts. These were moved online. The immeasurable connections could only be done face-to-face and involved creating something greater than the sum of the parts, a phenomenon known as *Gestalt*.

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As the Internet and Google began to rise, I shifted to using my connection skills to assist struggling technology projects on the verge of failure. 

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After that, I dedicated my efforts to helping young individuals with Autism forge joyful connections. It appeared that the autistic brain recognized the presence of a Gestalt connection; they desired it and needed it, yet found it challenging to access. Teachers attempted to create pathways to a Gestalt, but the young people often interpreted these pathways as rigid parts to play within a fixed sum of the parts. As a result, the more they tried, the more they felt rejected. Consequently, I discovered how to offer an immersive experience of Gestalt. It turns out that young people with Autism can learn to connect to a Gestalt when they truly experience it.

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I then spent 5 years working out why the connection best supported by technology has taken over face-to-face connection to the point where we only connect by aligning our thoughts to the point we play fixed parts in a fixed sum of parts. 

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Because it is selfish to deny others the fixed sum of parts, we make sure we deliver our part. Because it is disrespectful to decline an opportunity to play a fixed part in the fixed sum of parts, we do it. Because it is arrogant to question an agreed-upon fix sum of parts, we do our part even when we know it will not work. We give ourselves a comfort zone of connection. But, connecting this way feels hollow, empty, because we are connecting as if we are machines. It leads to stagnation; we don’t know why we keep engaging in a repetitive cycle of familiar actions, even when we realize they are ineffective.

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We fix this by putting all attention onto the connections that only humans can have, only face-to-face. These are connections that create something greater than the sum of parts, a Gestalt. We observe one another’s actions, wait to see what happens, and then we step in to present a previously unseen alternative just as someone's option begins to diminish. This dynamic interaction cultivates a deep sense of connection, as we move into the unknown, believing we can accomplish anything together. We feel more human.

 

In sports and life, connection is as important as everything else put together. Practicing Gestalt is one of the most important life skills of the 21st century. But if we don’t keep practicing Gestalt, our technology-based connection will return us to connecting as though we are machines.